she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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