Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
