Please, let me fuck your mom
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I am naked and annoyed.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
