He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
