The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We got so high we made milksteak
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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