I want to walk on stilts...naked
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
