You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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