we're blogging at a bar
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He kissed a someone with a penis
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I cut my penus on the lid.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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