I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
