HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
