when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
