I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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