got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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