The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize