We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
