Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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