Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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