I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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