What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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