i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
