worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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