nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
