Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
