What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
two words...techno handjob
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
