Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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