Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
