Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you inspire me to be a worse person
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
