I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
