I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
