just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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