ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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