you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
