nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
