you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
