3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
