so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
