Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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