you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize