That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
