Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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