well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Who died my cat blue again?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
