Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
