lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Randomize
