Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
