I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
