Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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