It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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