i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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