Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
