so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
