It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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