We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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