there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
