Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
