I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
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