the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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