the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
