Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize