I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize