the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Randomize
