so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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