That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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