Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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