why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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