Cold hands, warm shart.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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