Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
