Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
