can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
