end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I want to be your penis for a week.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
