No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize