I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
third nipple confirmed
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
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