i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
