Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
