she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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